Motherhood is a journey filled with love, laughter and precious moments but let’s face it, the journey can also be a path paved with moments of doubt, exhaustion, and overwhelming pressure. There are days when the weight of motherhood feels like an unbearable burden, and you might find yourself wondering, “Who asked me to do this?” This does not mean that you want to stop being a mother or even see anything happen to your child(ren), but at that moment, you just feel overwhelmed by giving and feeling like the weight of the world rests on your shoulders.
If you’ve ever experienced this, it’s essential to recognize that such feelings are not uncommon (if they happen repeatedly then perhaps there may be a need to be concerned and talk to a counsellor or therapist), and they don’t diminish your love for your children. Instead, they highlight the challenges that come with the most rewarding job in the world. As a mum who has experienced her share of mum guilt and burnout, here are some insights on how to navigate these tough moments and strive for joyful parenthood.
The Reality of Motherhood
It’s essential to acknowledge that there are times when being a mum isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Good parenting requires hard work and conscious effort. While those hugs and smiles from your little ones can warm your heart, the day-to-day tasks of parenting can be emotionally and physically draining.
What’s more, societal expectations often put pressure on mothers to remain silent about their struggles. The prevailing belief that you should be endlessly grateful for having children can lead to a sense of guilt when you dare to voice your concerns.
But let me assure you, expressing your challenges doesn’t diminish your gratitude for your children or your faith in God.
Recognizing the Hardship
Parenting, undoubtedly, gives our lives a profound sense of meaning and purpose. However, it’s equally true that it can be one of the most challenging roles we’ll ever undertake. Various factors can exacerbate the difficulty of parenting, from the ability to meet your child’s needs to the presence of a disability or the negative emotions surrounding other life events. Whatever unique challenges you face, it’s crucial to remember that you are not alone in this journey. There is support available, and there’s no shame in seeking it.
So how can we help ourselves as mothers?
Five Ways to Lighten the Load
As we navigate the complexities of motherhood, it’s essential to be mindful of certain behaviours that can exacerbate our feelings of being overwhelmed and dissatisfied. Here are five common pitfalls to watch out for:
1. Overprotecting our children: While it’s natural to want to shield your children from harm, being overly protective can stifle their growth and independence and limit their ability to develop resilience to real-life challenges. Allow them to learn from their experiences and make mistakes; it’s a crucial part of their development.
2. Controlling our children: Trying to control every aspect of your child’s life is a learned habit that goes beyond parenting and can lead to frustration for both you and your child. The need to always control the outcome of every situation has deeper roots in feelings of fear and low self-esteem amongst other factors. Encourage your children’s autonomy and decision-making, within appropriate boundaries. Your role is to NURTURE.
3. Living our lives through our children: Although we desire greatness and success for our children, we must remember that our children are individuals with their dreams and desires. Avoid projecting your unfulfilled aspirations onto them and allow them to follow their paths. Besides who says you still can’t achieve some of those dreams you had? It’s time to look inward.
4. Raising a faultless child: Where did we even get the idea that we have to raise perfect children? Who is a perfect child? Are we perfect adults? Perfection to what end? Perfection is an unattainable goal. Instead of focusing on raising a flawless child who is devoid of many of life’s useful experiences, emphasize teaching them values, resilience, and the ability to learn from their mistakes.
5. Neglecting self-care: Be kind to yourself- Good parenting is hard work. As mothers, we often put our children’s (as well as every other person, animal and plant) needs before our own, but neglecting self-care can lead to burnout which can then result in negative emotions and experiences of parenting. We constantly beat ourselves up for not being the perfect mothers and fail to nurture ourselves. Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being, so you can be the best version of yourself for your children.
Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s perfectly normal to have moments when it doesn’t feel joyful. However, by recognizing the challenges, seeking support when needed, and avoiding common pitfalls, we can navigate this path with more resilience and ultimately find joy in the journey of raising our children. Remember, you are not alone in your struggles, and seeking help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness. As mothers, we have the incredible power to shape the future through our children, and by taking care of ourselves, we can ensure that our journey through motherhood is one filled with love, growth, and, yes, joy.
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